Therapy is a deeply personal journey; a space where you can explore your thoughts, feelings, and experiences without external pressures. However, it’s not uncommon for loved ones, be it partners, family members, or close friends, to suggest topics they think you should bring up in your sessions. While these suggestions might be well-intentioned, they can often feel intrusive or controlling, undermining the safety and security of your therapy space.

Why can this feel hurtful? When someone else, whether they are in their therapy or not, tries to dictate what you would benefit from discussing, it can feel as though they’re undermining your autonomy. Therapy is your time to focus on personal growth, healing, and self-understanding. External input, especially when unsolicited, can make the process feel less about you and more about their concerns, which can come across as disempowering.

Imagine your partner saying, “You should talk to your therapist about how you never listen to me.” This statement implies criticism and shifts the focus of your therapy from your perspective to theirs. It can feel like a judgment rather than support, turning what should be a safe space into a battleground for external issues.

So how can you respond to this?

1. Acknowledge their concerns: Start by recognizing their intentions. They may be trying to help or express their feelings, even if it doesn’t come across that way.

“I appreciate that you’re concerned about how we communicate and that you’re thinking about ways to improve our relationship.”

2. Express your boundaries: Gently but firmly, explain that your therapy is your personal space and that it’s essential for you to use it as you see fit.

“However, my therapy sessions are really important for me to explore my thoughts and feelings. I need to focus on what’s coming up for me, and it’s important that I feel free to discuss what I want.”

3. Offer an alternative: If they feel strongly about something, suggest a different time to discuss it, perhaps in couples or family therapy, or during a planned conversation. 

“If you’re feeling like there are things we need to talk about together, maybe we could find a time to discuss them directly or consider couples therapy. That way, we can address it in a space meant for both of us.”

4. Reinforce the importance of your space: Emphasize that while you value their input, the therapeutic process needs to be guided by your needs and feelings.

“I really need my therapy time to be about what’s most pressing for me. I hope you can understand how important that is for my growth.”

Is it possible to set this boundary while being empathetic to (insert loved ones) needs? 

It’s important to set boundaries in a way that maintains respect for both yourself and the other person. Clear, compassionate communication can help prevent resentment and maintain the integrity of your therapy sessions. 

Remember, it’s okay to protect your space, and doing so doesn’t mean you’re shutting out the people you care about. Instead, it’s about ensuring that your therapy remains a place where you can focus on what matters most to you. 

Navigating these conversations can be tricky, but with patience and clarity, you can maintain the safety of your therapy space. Remember, therapy is for you - it’s your journey, and you have the right to keep it that way.

Stay curious, stay informed, stay awesome ✨