Let me paint a picture: I'm in North Carolina for a family party. I'm at a dreamy house on the beach, surrounded by family and friends. And there I am, sitting in the corner of the deck, looking out to the beach, reading Sorry I'm Late, I Didn’t Want to Come by Jess Pan, a book about how to be an extrovert. The irony was not lost on me… but it did take me a while to recognize what I was doing. I was surrounded by social energy - laughter, music, conversations - and I was deeply locked into a book trying to figure out how to embrace it all.

Here’s the thing: as much as I love my family and enjoy their company, I know my energy doesn’t thrive in these situations the way others might. While some of my friends were out on the deck chatting and laughing, I was living my best life reading in the corner, watching it all unfold from a distance. But then, the book got me thinking: what if there’s a way to live my most authentic life without feeling drained from the demands of social situations or, worse, forcing myself to be someone I’m not?

The reality is, we all have different needs when it comes to stimulation. Whether you’re like me, more comfortable in quiet settings, or the life of the party, it’s important to understand these needs so we can live without overwhelming ourselves. So let’s break down the differences, the blurred lines, and how to know when to stop and when to start engaging.

What’s the Difference?

Introverts and extroverts process energy differently. At the most basic level:

• Introverts recharge by spending time alone. They may find social gatherings draining, and while they enjoy deep, meaningful connections, large groups or noisy environments can leave them feeling mentally drained.

• Extroverts, on the other hand, thrive on social interaction. They’re energized by activity, conversation, and being surrounded by people. Alone time for too long? Cue an unbearable feeling of isolation.

Ambiverts, those who sit somewhere in between, might feel energized by both social interaction and solitude depending on the situation. I fall into this crew, where sometimes socializing is exactly what I need, but other times, I just need to step back and be in quiet.

What Do Introverts and Extroverts Need?

Here’s where it gets important. Knowing what you need to recharge and what drains you is key to living in a way that feels aligned with your true self.

Introverts need:

• • Solitude: Time alone or in smaller, quieter settings.

  • Reflective environments: Peaceful moments to think, recharge, and process.

  • Deeper conversations over small talk.

Extroverts need:

• • Social interactions: Energy from being around others and engaging in conversation.

  • Dynamic, exciting environments: The hustle and bustle of activities and people.

  • Novelty: Fresh experiences, new people, and variety.

Where Do You Fall? Recognizing Your Boundaries

Ever been at a party and got the sudden jolt to run into the bathroom and hide? Or just leave in general? Because same. So here's where recognizing your limits and boundaries come into play.

• For introverts, you might feel a sense of fatigue after some time in a loud or crowded setting. When you start feeling overstimulated, restless, irritable, foggy or you start zoning out - it's time to go, friend.

• For extroverts, you might start to feel restless or disconnected after spending too much time alone. If you’re feeling anxious or craving something new, that’s your sign to go find your social connections.

And for ambiverts, we're looking for flexibility. Sometimes, you’ll need time to yourself, and other times, you’ll crave connection. The trick is recognizing which one you need more in the moment.

The Blurred Lines: Finding Your Ambivert Space

Life isn't all black and white, and neither is our energy. If you’re somewhere in between, you’re likely falling into the ambivert category, and that means you can switch between introvert and extrovert tendencies depending on the situation. Also, we're humans, which means we're complicated, and sometimes we don't fit the exact mold of one or the other.

• Introverts may thrive in smaller gatherings, but start to feel overwhelmed in larger crowds. A few hours might be all they need.

• Extroverts may need constant connection but can still enjoy some quiet moments alone, just not for too long.

Finding your balance is all about tuning into your body. Notice when you’re feeling drained and when you’re feeling energized. Honor those moments, and give yourself permission to lean into them.

What Energizes Each Type?

• Introverts get energized by solitude: quiet moments to reflect, process, and recharge.

• Extroverts get energized by activity: being in social settings, engaging in conversations, and experiencing new things.

Neither is better or worse; they’re just different ways of navigating the world. It’s about discovering what you need to feel your best.

Knowing When to Stop and Start

Here’s the hardest part: knowing when to stop and when to start. It’s easy to push yourself beyond your limits, especially when you're trying to fit into a certain mold or please/impress other people. But burnout is real.

• Introverts can look for signs of fatigue. If you're noticing mental fog, zoning out, or feeling overwhelmed - take a break. There’s no shame in stepping back or stepping away and finding a safer space.

• Extroverts, if you’re feeling isolated, it’s time to phone a friend. Find your people, dive back into the action, and reignite your social spark.

The goal isn’t to force yourself into a situation where you’re uncomfortable. Instead, it's about understanding your needs and honoring them in a way that feels authentic.

Moving Forward: Finding Your Balance

So, what do you do now? Whether you're an introvert, an extrovert, or somewhere in between, it's all about understanding your needs and honoring your boundaries. Start by paying attention to how certain environments or situations make you feel. Notice when you’re recharged and when you're drained.

Here are a few actionable steps you can take moving forward:

1. Tune into your energy: Before heading into a social situation, check in with yourself. Are you feeling energized or exhausted? If you're already feeling drained, give yourself permission to take it easy or leave early if needed. An escape route (safe person or actually leaving) can go a long way.

2. Create balance: If you're someone who thrives on both solitude and social interaction, find a balance that works for you. Plan time to recharge and time to connect with others. Having a mix of both will keep you from feeling overwhelmed.

3. Set boundaries: Learn to say no when you need space or say yes when you're ready to connect. Boundaries aren’t just about saying "no" to others, they’re also about saying "yes" to your own well-being.

At The Mind Lab Therapy, I specialize in helping clients navigate their unique needs, whether it's managing energy, creating boundaries, or finding the balance that works best for them. If you're feeling overwhelmed or unsure about where to start, therapy can be a great space to start! Together, we can work on strategies that help you live authentically without feeling burned out or drained.

Stay curious. Stay informed. Stay awesome ✨